i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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