My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
