I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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