just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
