On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
