how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
