i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I understand Curling. That high.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
