Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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