did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
