You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
