Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize