It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
