there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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