Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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