I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I forget how to act sober
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