I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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