when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
