Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
