you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
