Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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