so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
