I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
