I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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