i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize