Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize