i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
