just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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