i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize