I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
