I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
