Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
