That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
