you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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