we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
