weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
