No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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