it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
