dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
