she takes plan B like it's going out of style
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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