good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
