Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think i have two assholes
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
