I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
