How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize