My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
