He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Apparently you make a good broom.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
