Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
