Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
thus making me awesome and them whores
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
