so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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