when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
