Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
