I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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