So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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