Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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