so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
