he wants to bone in the snuggie
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
