After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
