Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
