We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
