as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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