A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize