There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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