He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
