if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
