I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
