If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
