I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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