No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is classic penis vs brain.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
